Home alone with the children this weekend.
How do these single moms and military wives do it? – Today I prayed for you!
The almost three year old is throwing a tantrum because he’s tired and hungry and he wanted to talk to grandpa on the phone but the call has already ended and mommy is trying to make dinner. The baby is crying, he’s tired too. So is mom. What a waste to make dinner for only myself and a child who eats less than a bird. I wish I could have talked myself into ordering that pizza.
Oh how I wish husband were home.
But I appease almost three year old with his favorite movie and while I stir sauce I bounce baby’s chair with my foot he finally falls asleep.
I let almost three year old eat in the living room even though it’s normally not allowed. When I dish up my own food I don’t feel like sitting at the table by myself.
There is a laundry basket full of clean clothes waiting to be folded.
I sit in it.
When I was little I used to love sitting in the basket of clean clothes, still warm from the dryer.
I eat my mini farfalle pasta in lemon butter cream sauce with bacon and romano cheese. I slow down and smile at the tiny little bow-ties. I buy them because they are so cute.
I feel like a little girl, sitting in the clean laundry, smiling at tiny pasta shaped like bow-ties.
And I feel like a little girl trying to raise these boys, take care of this husband, this house.
How did I get here, this little girl in grown-up’s skin?
I pray: Lord, give me strength.
Somedays I just want to hide in my room, pull the covers over my head and pretend all this responsibility doesn’t belong to me.
The further into this mothering journey I get the more I start to understand what it must have been like for my own mother. I am ashamed at my selfishness and I wonder how many times was I the cause of her hiding in her room?
Almost three year old walks into the room and laughs “Why are you sitting in there mommy?”
“Oh I’m just being a little bit silly.”
Dear reader, am I alone in my silliness? Do you sometimes feel like a child? Like you are not capable for the task set before you? What do you do when you just want to hide?
Please, impart your wisdom.